Ladies and Gentlemen… I present the WORLD PREMIERE of NICE DICK: The Music Video!!

…and here’s the lyrics so you can sing along at home!

Docta Dawe:
When I go to the pool I see all kinds of shit
but nothing quite intrigues me like the nice dick.
Everywhere I go from the club to the beach
I can’t take my mind off of all the meat.
Let me say it doesn’t mean were gay,
like Special K, or going to the ballet.
Forget about your boyfriend and
meet me at the hotel room,
as long as its not the ladies room or
Docta Dawe will put you in the emergency room.
When I go to the store I have to say nice dick,
when I hit up the club you know i’m screaming nice dick,
I’m buying shit at the mall yelling out nice dick,
when I’m at the library I say “shhh” nice dick.
You can find me driving in my marquee
in the eoc while im takin a pee,
and I guarantee you will see how quick
that I will stare at a very nice dick.

DJ Spillz:
They call me Spillz you better right your wills,
while i’m poppin’ pills and eating dills.
I’m driving down the block thinking about cock
and eating chock while packing my glock.
Set my alarm clock for 6 o clock
so I can by stocks while smoking rocks.
I am the meanest uncleanest genus from venus
looking for the leanest penis.
I’ll throw a brick at your click
while taking a shit on your chick.
You thought you were slick with your magic stick
but its not as thick as my nice dick.

Docta Chris:
Walk into the club, see a hot bitch
look to my left then I see a nice dick.
Introduce myself but not to the bitch,
I look to the left and say hey nice dick.
I’m walking downtown getting high,
Where should I go to meet a hot guy,
just saw a hot dude walk on by,
but instead I fucked a blueberry pie.
Call me Docta Chris I gotta take a piss
standing next to this guy he’s taking a shit.
I take a sniff after taking a wiff
then I tell the guy hey, nice dick.

DOWNLOAD THE SONG HERE:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/6487513731a6ee3a/

So just about everyone in the UCF/Orlando area read and/or commented on my blog about how lame promoting around this town has become here and here, so this blog will be somewhat of a sequel to that, in a sense.

I’m swag surfing FaceBook today and I see a status update from none other than Clint “Mr.Orlando” House that goes a little something like this…

Gasp.

 You read right folks, Mr. Orlando is officially hanging up his blazers (or should I say blazer) and throwing in the towel on the city that coined his now infamous nickname. Can you blame him? I definetly cannot. One thing I can say is that Clint gave it his best shot. Let’s re-cap, in picture form.

 Clint popped up in the nightlife scene by promoting for WhatsHot with Chris Nault and Rob Hype…

 

(Nault has lost some weight since then, eh? He and Mikey Stylez must be on the same diet because they are both looking way buff these days, no homo. Dawe, you could take some advice from those two.)

Clint left WhatsHot due to financial issues within the company (gasp again) and decided, because he has 2,000+ FaceBook friends, that he should start his own company and thus Revolution Nights was born.

 

I guess no one had the balls to tell Clint that there was a gay club with the same name but whatever. If that wasn’t enough to scratch your head about, he then made a logo to get people to join his ‘revolution’ which looks like someone from South Carolina might have made to make a statement about OTHER things.

 

Wow.

 And so the revolution began. Now, Clint might not have started a revolution in nightlife but he sure did make a revolution in graphic design.

 

Can we get the number to your graphic designer? Please? I mean, how does he know how to do all those cool tricks on MS Paint?

Ok, Revolution Nights was a bust, so Clint decided to re-brand himself and his company by going back to the moniker that he had while working for Biggins, Mr. Orlando.

Clint then secured himself a night at Antiqua, Project Bikini.

 

Obviously hired a different graphic artist this time cause this one isn’t too bad. It isn’t too good either, because they forgot to put one instrumental thing on the flyer, the date. Being the professional Mr. Orlando is, he pulled out his handy silver colored Sharpie and added the date in himself.

Clint went all in on this party, posting status updates about it once every 30 mins. He even found time to post status updates while swooning the ladies…

Project Bikini was apart of the 4th of July weekend extravaganza Mr. Orlando promised us. Wednesday at Antiqua, Friday at Bliss (also a bikini party) and concluding it all Saturday with the biggest joke of a 4th of July party in Orlando history, the “I’m on a Boat” party, which was cancelled last minute due to nobody giving a shit or willing to pay the ridiculous ticket price.

Mr. Orlando obviously failed to do his homework because…

1. Chillers owns Church Street on Wednesday nights and has for years now.

2. OCC did a bikini party mere weeks before at Antiqua, which would end up being the death of STEREO because it was THAT bad.

So after 3 failed attempts at starting new nights around town (Fusian, Antiqua, and let’s not forget Medicis) he did what no one was expecting and joined forces with Mikey Stylez to help him launch his newest night at Roxy, Models and Bottles. After the first week success of Stylez’ new party, Clint then made himself an official KnightLyfer. Why? Who the fuck knows.

Here he is pictured with DJ19Sixty and his freshly shaven arms…

 

According to Mikey Stylez, Clint pulled $500 that night, which Dawe and I both think is too saucy to be true but if you did Clint, good job. Don’t spend all that money on Bud Light and Marlboro Lights.

One thing Clint did do which I thought was both slick and pathetic at the same time was make a FaceBook group while the Orlando Magic were in the playoffs titled ‘Magic are going to the finals!!’ or something along those lines. In this group, he amassed 1,000+ people. Well, as you know, the Magic didn’t make it past Phil Jackson and his 9 rings, so Clint did what any sleezy promoter would do. He changed the name of his group to ‘I party with Mr. Orlando!’.

Bravo. Rather than make a new group, you just changed the name of the one you made about sports and turned it into a group about partying. Anyway, so after Mikey Stylez made it rain on Clint (no homo) because of that $500 first night at Roxy, Clint then changed the name of the group AGAIN, this time to ‘KnightLyfe.com’. Incredible. Absolutely incredible, Clint.

That brings us to today, where we are left to ask ourselves, what happened? Was the money not good enough? Did they take your microphone from you at the club for laughing into it too much and that rubbed you the wrong way? Did someone steal your bottle of Verdi out of VIP that Stylez gave to you for a job well done? We need answers; the public deserves to know.

 Or was it just for reasons that I explained in the blog that started all this?

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This blog was not meant to be an “I hate Clint House” blog, but merely a busting of the chops. Clint is my friend and knows this should be taken with the smallest grain of salt out of the shaker (as should anything I said about anyone else IE: Stylez, Nault and 19sixty). In the end, you obviously made some type of impression on people if I decided to take time out to write this detailed blog about you. Congrats Clint, you finally got your own blog on OCC.

This blog has been Docta Douche Chris approved:

 

 

 

Chris wanted to let all the ladies know he got a haircut today.