The “Classy” trio has finally made it onto “The Dirty” and it’s raining hate.

I commented on the actual blog (http://thedirty.com/2009/12/31/three-duck-faced-friends/) but I missed really ranting so much that I decided to post a little somethin-somethin here.

First of all, I love that “stripper” has become an insult. Last time I checked a stripper is a woman who gets paid to show off her body. Tell me you don’t wish you could get a pay stub for all the times you’ve been naked in public places or homes that are not yours. Also, GOOD LUCK finding a girl who has never EVER done the “duck-face” in a picture.

I’ve seen drunker, skankier, and more violent bitches not only on the streets and dirty college bars of Orlando but in many other cities as well. And I’m SURE you have, too.

They may be crazy, but I guarantee that they have a better time, more drinks bought for them and more friends than you do.

All of you who say they’re busted are probably just bitter because even if all three of them were being their normal “classy” selves (i.e. falling on the floor wasted, fighting other drunk bitches and getting kicked out), they wouldn’t fuck you, let alone rub you the wrong way.

I hope they continue to make the “duck-face” and I hope whoever sent in that post finally gets laid and stops watching everyone else live their own lives around him.

P.S. Nik, they wouldn’t fuck you, either. (Neither would I and I’m pretty easy.)

<3 M

This week I was picked for Photoshop Friday at the workplace. This is an exciting weekly event where we pick a person from the office, and insult them to the highest extent. Although many people have mastered the skill of Pshop, and have no issues whipping something up quickly…we have decided to add a twist. Mother Fucking MS Paint. That’s right, you can use nothing except for MS Paint. These are the results.

Lots of Volvo’s, adoption jokes, making fun of my badass dog, my perfectly sculpted hair and calling me a Puerto Rican.  Cago en su mamá ayer. No porque quiero a, pero porque yo me siento que soy necesario. ¡Viva el burrito!

Even though you’d think I would be offended. I’m not. It was quite an exciting morning. This pretty much sums it up.

Off to the pictures yo!

I did a little home photoshoot/photoshop shoot with my buddy Quentin tonight, and had some props donated by the infamous South Florida bastard Wolf Larsen. Results look prettyyyy tight.

This pic and the little urban scene behind us reminded me of The Beastie Boys - Pass The Mic music video… so I decided I would share that little masterpiece with you this morning.

 FRIDAY, AUGUST 14TH
FKDT @ DUNGEON LOUNGE PRESENT

Best of Orlando top rated DJ:
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Come celebrate Orlando’s favorite DJs 21’s birthday bash!! (for the 6th year in a row)! Bring your dad’s suit jacket, and leave your bottle of Verdi at home because we are keeping it classy this year at UCF’s hottest new venue, Dungeon Lounge - The new standard for Orlando night life. With state-of-the-art lighting, the most advanced sound technology and an incredibly unique and stunning decor this is the HOTTEST new spot in UCF.

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Hosted by WhatsHOT and orangecountyconcepts.com…. a collaboration yearsssss in the making!

LADIES 18+
GUYS 21+

For info on the exclusive after party e-mail: Afterparty@orangecountyconcepts.com

::DOWNLOAD DJ SPILLZ LATEST NEW MIX::
DJ SPILLZ - THAT KLUB MUZIK SH!T (zshare link)

::DOWNLOAD DOCTA DAWE’S LATEST REMIX::
DOCTA DAWE - Bottles Flying (Fear and Lothing Electro Rework Quick Hitter) (zshare link)

So just about everyone in the UCF/Orlando area read and/or commented on my blog about how lame promoting around this town has become here and here, so this blog will be somewhat of a sequel to that, in a sense.

I’m swag surfing FaceBook today and I see a status update from none other than Clint “Mr.Orlando” House that goes a little something like this…

Gasp.

 You read right folks, Mr. Orlando is officially hanging up his blazers (or should I say blazer) and throwing in the towel on the city that coined his now infamous nickname. Can you blame him? I definetly cannot. One thing I can say is that Clint gave it his best shot. Let’s re-cap, in picture form.

 Clint popped up in the nightlife scene by promoting for WhatsHot with Chris Nault and Rob Hype…

 

(Nault has lost some weight since then, eh? He and Mikey Stylez must be on the same diet because they are both looking way buff these days, no homo. Dawe, you could take some advice from those two.)

Clint left WhatsHot due to financial issues within the company (gasp again) and decided, because he has 2,000+ FaceBook friends, that he should start his own company and thus Revolution Nights was born.

 

I guess no one had the balls to tell Clint that there was a gay club with the same name but whatever. If that wasn’t enough to scratch your head about, he then made a logo to get people to join his ‘revolution’ which looks like someone from South Carolina might have made to make a statement about OTHER things.

 

Wow.

 And so the revolution began. Now, Clint might not have started a revolution in nightlife but he sure did make a revolution in graphic design.

 

Can we get the number to your graphic designer? Please? I mean, how does he know how to do all those cool tricks on MS Paint?

Ok, Revolution Nights was a bust, so Clint decided to re-brand himself and his company by going back to the moniker that he had while working for Biggins, Mr. Orlando.

Clint then secured himself a night at Antiqua, Project Bikini.

 

Obviously hired a different graphic artist this time cause this one isn’t too bad. It isn’t too good either, because they forgot to put one instrumental thing on the flyer, the date. Being the professional Mr. Orlando is, he pulled out his handy silver colored Sharpie and added the date in himself.

Clint went all in on this party, posting status updates about it once every 30 mins. He even found time to post status updates while swooning the ladies…

Project Bikini was apart of the 4th of July weekend extravaganza Mr. Orlando promised us. Wednesday at Antiqua, Friday at Bliss (also a bikini party) and concluding it all Saturday with the biggest joke of a 4th of July party in Orlando history, the “I’m on a Boat” party, which was cancelled last minute due to nobody giving a shit or willing to pay the ridiculous ticket price.

Mr. Orlando obviously failed to do his homework because…

1. Chillers owns Church Street on Wednesday nights and has for years now.

2. OCC did a bikini party mere weeks before at Antiqua, which would end up being the death of STEREO because it was THAT bad.

So after 3 failed attempts at starting new nights around town (Fusian, Antiqua, and let’s not forget Medicis) he did what no one was expecting and joined forces with Mikey Stylez to help him launch his newest night at Roxy, Models and Bottles. After the first week success of Stylez’ new party, Clint then made himself an official KnightLyfer. Why? Who the fuck knows.

Here he is pictured with DJ19Sixty and his freshly shaven arms…

 

According to Mikey Stylez, Clint pulled $500 that night, which Dawe and I both think is too saucy to be true but if you did Clint, good job. Don’t spend all that money on Bud Light and Marlboro Lights.

One thing Clint did do which I thought was both slick and pathetic at the same time was make a FaceBook group while the Orlando Magic were in the playoffs titled ‘Magic are going to the finals!!’ or something along those lines. In this group, he amassed 1,000+ people. Well, as you know, the Magic didn’t make it past Phil Jackson and his 9 rings, so Clint did what any sleezy promoter would do. He changed the name of his group to ‘I party with Mr. Orlando!’.

Bravo. Rather than make a new group, you just changed the name of the one you made about sports and turned it into a group about partying. Anyway, so after Mikey Stylez made it rain on Clint (no homo) because of that $500 first night at Roxy, Clint then changed the name of the group AGAIN, this time to ‘KnightLyfe.com’. Incredible. Absolutely incredible, Clint.

That brings us to today, where we are left to ask ourselves, what happened? Was the money not good enough? Did they take your microphone from you at the club for laughing into it too much and that rubbed you the wrong way? Did someone steal your bottle of Verdi out of VIP that Stylez gave to you for a job well done? We need answers; the public deserves to know.

 Or was it just for reasons that I explained in the blog that started all this?

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This blog was not meant to be an “I hate Clint House” blog, but merely a busting of the chops. Clint is my friend and knows this should be taken with the smallest grain of salt out of the shaker (as should anything I said about anyone else IE: Stylez, Nault and 19sixty). In the end, you obviously made some type of impression on people if I decided to take time out to write this detailed blog about you. Congrats Clint, you finally got your own blog on OCC.

This blog has been Docta Douche Chris approved:

 

 

 

 DJ dLux is not going to be a happy camper that I wrote this blog, since it will knock down his blog post about his latest mixtape “Zone Defense”. If you haven’t downloaded the hottest mixtape of the summer so far get on this now! This is not just a regional mixtape, dLux is doing it really big right now with almost 2,500 downloads in a little over a day! At that rate he is as on track to be neck and neck with Bow Wow’s first week record sales from last month. Not to shabby.

 

Orlando is pretty lame right now. There is nothing in the club industry I can bash at the moment unfortunately, and hasn’t been for a while. I predict it will be a very slowwwww summer for the Orlando nightlife industry. About the only thing this city has going for it right now is our beloved Orlando Magic.

 

Scott Skiles must be very proud.

 

I know this isn’t a sports blog, but bare with me, I’ll find a way to tie this into the blog somehow. After years of shitty attendance and disappointment, mostly with the decisions the front office made nearly 10 years ago, the Magic is back in Orlando. I have to admit, although I am a fan, I was pretty skeptical that they would pull this series off against the Cavs , and its not over yet, even thought it would be pretty hard to blow a 3-1 series lead. It is nearly impossible to have a conversation about the Orlando Magic with another Orlando local without bringing up the past, which was an extreme failure. In 1995 the Orlando Magic were SWEPT in the NBA finals by the Houston Rockets, a series remembered mostly for its game one disappointment, which caused a spiral of falure. With the Magic up by three points late in the game, Nick Anderson, typically a 70% free throw shooter, missed four consecutive free throws that could have sealed the victory for Orlando. I remember watching Marv Albert now, giving play-by-play in Houston for game 4, and seeing the Houston fans waving brooms in the air to symbolize the “Sweep”. We all know the rest of the story: Swept by Michael Jordan and the bulls in the Eastern Conference Finals the following year, Shaq signing with the Lakers, Penny causing a mutiny against Brian Hill, and tons of epic FAILURE since.

 

The Glory Days (when our uniforms didn’t look as fucking stupid as those v-necks)

 

The real purpose of this little NBA talk was to inform all the people of Orlando of the unbelievable opportunity we may have as fans. Not only the possibility of having NBA finals basketball in Orlando, but the possibility of a Victory, and NBA Championship. Now here’s the fun part…

 

I have been watching the NBA finals every year since 1993. Whenever the home team wins the championship, there is usually a celebration, some big, some not as big, it really seems to depend on the spirit and rambunctiousness of the city. Since the days of the Bulls dynasty, the celebrations just haven’t been the same. Last year when the Celtics won, their on court celebration was kind of week, so the fans attempted to take it to the streets. Unfortunately the police presence was high. “As a working class kid, I feel there is no better way of commemorating my hometown’s victory than destroying my hometown,” said Doug Coswell, an unemployed 28-year-old Celtics superfan after last years NBA Finals victory. “I really wanted to fuck some shit up tonight - but before I knew it, some pig cracked me on the head and I woke up in Suffolk County Jail.” Nice attempt Doug!

 

So you might be asking yourself, “Mr. Dawe, are you suggesting we cause a riot and destroy Downtown Orlando if the Magic win the NBA title?”. Not quite. I mean, if the opportunity presents itself go for it, but the chances of that happening are pretty slim with the extreme police presence that should be surrounding the city. On the other hand, with the Arena right next door to Parramore there shouldn’t be much to fuck up anyways.

 

We are getting a little ahead of ourselves here, I mean the Magic aren’t even in the NBA Finals yet. If they do make it, there is definitely no guarantee that they will win with either Denver or LA waiting. If they do pull it off and win the big prize who knows if they will do it at home. All I am saying is if the Magic win the NBA championship at home, it is essential as a city, for the fans to STORM THE COURT. Orlando is known as a city of PUSSIES. Everyone loves disney and all the family friendly tourist attractions here, but is that what us locals want to be remembered by? This is ORLANDO’S CHANCE TO BE BAD ASS MOTHER FUCKERS. Of course there will be 15-20 police officers surrounding the parameter of the court, but what good will that do when a crowd of 18,000 people go insane? This is your moment Orlando. The chance to break free from being a weak ass tourist destination with mouse ears as its mascot. If the Magic win the NBA championship this year, we must take back our city, in front of a NATIONAL TV AUDIENCE and act like a bunch of FUCKING IDIOTS.

 

Here is the playbook: 

Boston Celtics 1984 NBA Finals Victory.

 

 

Boston’s fans did it right at Boston Garden this night in 1984! Watch the place go insane at 2:22 into the below video. The players had to tell the fans to get off the court before the game was even over! Even better, 3:23, wow. I don’t even know what to say to that one, but I want to be that guy if the Magic win the championship, daisy dukes and all. SO REMEMBER if the Magic make it to the NBA finals, and if they win it at home,  help spread the word, MAGIC MASSACRE: STORM THE COURT!

 

The facebook and twitter is buzzing today about last nights Steve Aoki performance at Icon. If you are not familiar with Steve Aoki (kill yourself), He is a HUGE club DJ from California with a massive following. He is also the founder of Dim Mak Records, which jump-started the career of Bloc Party, among others. His sister is model Devon Aoki and father was the founder of the Benihana restaurant chain. He also took my shirt off once.

Good times.

 His stage presences as a DJ is larger than life, jumping all over the stage, diving into the crowd, and nearly causing a riot during his performances. This guy knows how to work a crowd like none other!

With all the hype surrounding this guy, nearly every influential artist and DJ in Orlando was at Icon last night to see what the deal was. Last night was Aoki’s third Orlando appearance, (twice at Saturday/Thursday @ Firestone, once original S/T, once the second coming of S/T). For many of these people, last night was the first time they have seen this guy in action and the reviews were very mixed. The debate has been raging on our very own DJ dLux’s facebook page, where he basically said he was not feeling Aoki’s set. I also spoke with a few other very well respected local DJs who were not impressed by his track selection, or mixing. Were they just hating because they were jealous? On the other hand, a lot of people had been commenting that they enjoyed his set and had a great time. What do you think?

I missed Aoki, because I had to play my own set at STEREO, but in my opinion the star of the night, from what I saw, was the opening DJ Pauly Crush, real talk. That guy opened up with a long methodical track, with no backbeat… just a really epic opening track, then he jumped up on the turntable setup, and yelled out to the crowd, and out of nowhere this bass heavy thumping electro beat came in… and the building erupted just as the huge bright flood lights shined on the big crowd in a frenzy of fist pumps. I’m just calling it how I saw it, like it or not, and that was truly an epic moment….

Now onto a totally different topic…

What the fuck is going on with Orlando radio?!? Not that anyone listens to FM radio anymore anyways, but Clear Channel Communications laid off hundreds of employees across the company on Tuesday, including on on-air talent. The local talent was, Oddo from The Philips Phile on WTKS 104.1, Bubba from The Monsters on WTKS 104.1, Alex Diaz from WXXL 106.7, and Crazy Sam from Rumba 100.3. The ipod/satellite radio have officially won the battle.

On an even more interesting local radio note, well known local radio personality Shannon Burke was arrested this morning for firing a gunshot inside his Altamonte Springs area home that injured a family dog and then grazed his wife in the head!

He was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and animal cruelty. He is being held without bail in the Seminole County Jail. He told the police that he became angry with the pet late Thursday and was waving a firearm that he thought was not loaded. The bullet passed through the dog’s leg and then grazed his wife. I actually really like this dudes show, so hopefully everything will work out for him and he won’t be added to the list of local radio personalities without jobs.

OCC has obtained the 911 call - Check it out here.

So I ventured out last night to hear some music, have a few drinks and a few laughs (all things that are good). All of a sudden I noticed something that almost made me drop my vodka-cran to the floor…


These shot girls are disgusting. Straight up f-nasty….


I want to start this off by clarifying that I am not hating on shot girls. Shit, if I looked that good I would be one, too. But I will say that there is a way to go about being a classy (the real definition of ‘classy’, not ‘OCC classy’) shot girl…unfortunately, there are some ladies who have yet to be informed.


Signs you didn’t get the memo:

• Your ass looks hungry. By that I mean you have a wedgie so severe it looks like it might need to be surgically removed.
• You’ve given body shots to multiple guys…with only seconds between customers. (Dear nameless dude, I know you saw the guy before you lick and slobber over the exact area that your tongue is currently perusing.  I’m grossed out for you.)
• You put the shot in YOUR mouth, swished it like you were fighting plaque and then proceeded to SPIT the shot into some random dude’s mouth.

I know you’re just doing your job… just keep in mind that the ladies of OBT could say the same.

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Ladies bring 3 friends and enjoy a complementary bottle of Champagne.

STEREO. is the talk of the nightlife scene in Orlando right now and has quickly become the biggest weekly party in town. It is like NO OTHER party in Orlando.

See your photos from STEREO @ orangecountyconcepts.com - photos by E. Spradling

STEREO.

EVERY THURSDAY @ ANTIGUA

Hosted by OrangeCountyConcepts.com

Antigua Nightclub
41 West Church Street

Facebook invite   -   Myspace Page   -   Antigua Nightclub

 

Call/Text Meagan for FREE cover!!!!!!!

561.573.3997

See you there ;]

No, but seriously. This is not the beginning of anything. The beginning happened hours ago and most likely ended (hopefully) at least 45 minutes after that. So I prepared a little list of how-to’s and don’t-you-fucking-dare’s for those of you who just don’t get it. Kinda like a little “shoulda-had-a-V8″ bonk to the forehead…but less physical.

We’ve ALL been there. I don’t care if you’re too shy to admit it or if you’re “saving it for marriage” (which is a whooooole separate topic).

It’s not always with a swamp creature, but (unfortunately for you and your need for a sober fairy godmother or an AA meeting or maybe even an intervention) it has been a time or two (or more? Ugh.) before. I’ve been pretty fortunate, but I have heard some HORROR stories from some of my comrads over a few adult beverages. They always start off a little something like this…

So you’ve been drinking…and accross the bar/party/parking lot you see a little somethin’-somethin’, and you like what you see. You lay some groundwork… and then bada-bing, bada-boom it’s “your place, or mine?”

During sex…

• Do not ask if I “like that.” If you can’t tell, chances are there’s a reason. Don’t make me lie.

Fast forward to after the sex…if it’s not time for more sex, it’s sleepy time.

• No, you can’t sleep on my side of the bed. I’m still trying to figure out why you’re sleeping here at all…
• You’re snoring. AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME, guy?! How the hell am I supposed to sleep when you’re conducting the nasal cavity symphony in B minor not even a foot from my face!?
• You’re touching me. I’m trying to sleep. Stop that.
• Again…I’m trying to sleep and you want to play get-to-know-ya games. Why? Do you like wasting your time?? Let’s be serious…tomorrow you will be nothing more than “what’s-his-face.” If anything you will be dubbed an unfortunate and unflattering nick-name (See: Inky-Binky-Winky) that my friends and I will reference for a good laugh.
• You’re a kicker or toss-and-turn-er. Seriously, leave. NOW. Before I let the thought of smothering you with a pillow cross my mind…AGAIN.

Fast forward to sunrise… Don’t overstay your welcome.

• The sun’s up and you’re not…why?
• I’m serious…it’s now 10 A.M. …DOUBLE DIGITS!!! Don’t you have somewhere else to be?
• Your exit should be as mysterious as possible. I want to wake up and think I had sex with Houdini.
• NO, I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU. One word: MORNINGBREATH (Yes, that can be one word…if given the right emphasis.)
• DO NOT LINGER.
• Get your belongings and go. Do not start small talk. I don’t care that you are super excited to go fishing/camping/clubbing/visit your family next weekend.
• Speaking of belonings, don’t leave anything behind. I don’t need a memento.
• Don’t leave evidence. Hickeys are for middle-schoolers who make-out in a movie theatre that their parents dropped them off at on a Friday night. If I have a hickey and I don’t know about it yet…RUN.

Any questions?