Names have been changed to protect the identity of the people in this story and because I don’t remember their actual names.
So I get a call today from a good friend of mine who works as a teacher in South Florida. She starts to tell me a story about one of the P.E. teachers at her school, we’ll call him “Rick”. Apparently, Rick was hanging out with his buddy, “Bob” who works as a caretaker for a mentally handicapped man, “Pete”, who lives on his own but depends on Bob for certain things that he cannot handle on his own.
Bob receives a call from Pete and Pete is screaming into the phone, “Bob! You need to come over right NOW! I need you to get food. I need you to go to the grocery store and bring food to my house because the gnome ate all my food and he is very hungry and very angry!”
To which Bob replies, “Pete, I will come over later, I promise, and I will bring you food.”
“NO! You need to come here right NOW with FOOD. He is very angry, the gnome is very angry.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll be there soon.”
Bob hangs up the phone and turns to Rick, “Do you mind coming over there with me to check this out?”
Rick shrugs his shoulders and they hit the road.
Rick and Bob get to Pete’s bearing groceries and Pete lets them in but immediately shouts in their face, “NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THE KITCHEN. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GO IN THERE. THE GNOME IS VERY ANGRY.”
Rick and Bob exchange looks.
Bob then coerces Pete into another room while Rick sneaks into the kitchen to find the refrigerator blockading the pantry.
Rick moves the refrigerator and the pantry doors fly open.
OUT POPS A MIDGET!
And he’s screaming, “I’M GONNA SUE YOU! THIS IS KIDNAPPING AND HARASSMENT! I’LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED!”
Once the “gnome” has calmed his tiny self a bit Rick and Bob discover that he is in fact a Jehovah’s Witness and he had knocked on Pete’s door three days before when Pete mistook him for a gnome, overpowered him (possibly knocked the poor little guy out), and locked him in the pantry.
I’m still waiting for details on what happened to Pete and his “gnome.”
Moral of the story: Don’t knock on stranger’s doors.
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