LastNightsHype.com

Kiss the rings, bitch.

Eager to add a fifth to his gargantuan talons, the NBA’s oldest player is looking to flip the script.

Long-time NBA big man Shaquille O’Neal want’s to pull an LBJ and skip the hell out of the Mistake by the Lake. But instead of heading south to warmer pastures, Shaq Diesel apparently wants to shove off eastward to Beantown, and “help” the Celtics recover from last year’s playoffs snafu.

Several reports have him quoted as saying he only wants to go for a team “who can win it all.”  “He doesn’t want to go to a team that’s not a contender.”

(Well, no shit.  The only guy in the NBA that was never destined to win a ring was Kurt Rambis.  He ironically won 4 rings.  Eat that Queen James.)

Sources close to the over 7-foot, 325 pound self-proclaimed Superman say he’s EXTREMELY interested in wearing the shamrocks this upcoming season. Save for one small problem -

- the Celtics got NO MONEYYYYYYY.

Reportedly, they neither have the means or the space to pay him over the league-mandated minimum of $1.3 million. Unfortunate for Big Aristotle, who is currently sitting pretty at #6 on Sports Illustrated’s Fortunate 50 for 2010 at $36 million last year.

That’s a pretty big fuckin’ paycut.  Pretty big.

But does the Big Man really even care?

In a career spanning nearly two decades, O’ Neal has raked in over $290 million; he probably doesn’t care about the money anymore.  That’s more than we can say for LBJ, who left an ishload of money on the table in C-town, but will now be third banana in the gangbang that is going to be the Miami Heat’s “eatshit” front five.

So why do I give a shit?

If Shaq DOES go to Boston, it may spell t-r-o-u-b-l-e for our boys in Blue this season – as Shaq still strikes fear in the lanes.  Even if he can’t shoot a free throw (52% over 18 years) for shit, he may prove trouble for Dwight Howard and our Magic.

We’ll have to stay tuned. Keep it locked on OCC.

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