
So everybody is talking about it, everybody is bootlegging it, and everybody seems to have a different opinion on Marshall Mathers latest LP, Relapse, and it doesn’t even hit stores till this Tuesday.
My thoughts on the album? I think my graphic above says it all, FAIL. What a flop, and this is coming from the guy who actually LIKED Encore so don’t think I am just Em biased or just hating cause everybody else is liking it (which I’ve actually heard more negative reviews from people than I have positive anyway).
The problem? Well, pick one.
1. Eminem is 37 years old.
Now, with that being said, I am not saying he is too old to be rapping because Jay-Z is damn near 40 and still puts out decent material (see: American Gangster). What I am saying is that Eminem, at 37, should be rapping about NEW things. You’ve been out of the game for what, 4-5 years? You couldn’t think of ANYTHING else to rhyme about besides the same, tired, not-shocking-anymore-cause-it’s-not-1999 bullshit? WE KNOW DUDE, WE GET IT. Your Mom is a crazy bitch, you eat & sleep pills, and you like either getting raped, or doing the raping. Trust me Marshall, we all know, and we all closed our wide open shocked mouths years ago.
Now I know in defense people might come at me and say “dLux, it’s not like the rappers you listen to are actually switching their style up and talking about more things than flipping birds, cars, and smoking weed”
And to that I say touche my friend. BUT, those rappers (Gucci Mane, Shawty Lo, Yung LA, etc) haven’t put out albums that will go down as classics, sold 35 million records, or made more money in rap than most people in the game in a 5 year span. There is no shame in throwing in the towel while you are ahead. Instead, Eminem chose to put out the garbage that is Relapse.
2. Why are you rapping like a cartoon character?
Did I miss something on this album? Is it suppose to be a concept album of a bunch of characters? Or has Slim Shady turned into an arab-rapper and I just missed the bus? “We Made You”? Wigger, please.
3. Since when has Eminem had to release 3 singles BEFORE his album came out to garner some type of hype? (Go ahead, I’ll give you a second to think about it)
It all started with that piece of shit that still stinks from here, “Crack a Bottle”. Could you be anymore cliche after a 4 year hiatus? Since when does Eminem take the Cash Money Records circa 1999 route and make a song about popping bottles in the club? Then have 50 Cent jump on the mic and use it as a toilet after Eminem wasn’t even done whiping his own ass? Bad move no. 1 Jimmy Iovine.
OK, so “Crack a Bottle” isn’t gaining much attention, what now? Well, let’s check the toilet out and see if there are any fresh turds left….
YES! FOUND ONE! CORN & PEANUTS INSIDE IT TOO!
“We Made You”
So I gave “Crack a Bottle” a pardon because there were rumors that it might end up as 50’s first single for his upcoming album (it ended up on Relapse in the end) so I figured it was just a bad Eminem chorus/verse.
Enter “We Made You” aka “The Real Slim Shady” aka “Just Lose It” aka the comedic top 40 single. This song is the reason for me saying what’s the deal with the cartoon character voice? Is this dude serious? Is mainstream America serious for actually making this song somewhat of a hit (#1 on iTunes the day after its release)? Absolute garbage and probably holds the title for the worst song on the album right next to “Crack a Bottle”. And the video? MORE SHOCK VALUE!! LOOK AT EMINEM, HE’S CRAZY!!! HE’S DRESSING UP LIKE CELEBRITIES AND BASHING THEM!! CRAZY!!!!!
Obviously “We Made You” wasn’t gaining THAT much steam because Interscope decided to drop ANOTHER single and ANOTHER video (we’re on #3 now, PRE-release). What can we do to make this video different? Hm, let’s take 5.
I got it! We’ll make it like a horror film! And debut the video on Cinemax!! YES.
Enter “3am” (also the name of a Young Jeezy song, produced by Timbaland, which is WAY better, look it up, it’s actually on my first mixtape so you don’t have to look far).
My question on this song is hooowwww muuuchhhh tiiimmmeee stttrreeccttthhiiinggg cccaaannn yyoouuu ddoooo? It is just me or does it sound like he is purposely rapping slower than it should be so he can stay on beat? FAIL.
Now don’t get me wrong here, the album has A COUPLE good songs but it definetly has much more bad than good. I like “Stay Wide Awake” and “Trouble” but that’s honestly about it.
So in conclusion, this album is absolute garbage and I can only imagine that Relapse 2, which is scheduled to come out at the end of this year, will be just as bad if not worse.
If you want some REAL HIP-HOP from some real MCs who’ve been in the game 15+ years and are still putting out quality, then this is the only album you should buy on May 19th:

Popularity: 33% [?]